I so wish you had been able to age into a graceful, interesting old age. You were a whimsical and curious young man and even better into middle age. Such a shame.
I rarely think about aging until someone "walks on". I prefer saying "walks on" to "passed away" or plain ol' "died". It makes it seem as if they are merely on another plane of existence and not truly gone.
My own current age is 51. That sounds both ancient and young to me. It depends on the viewpoint. I can remember when my Granny was 51. She was OLD. A friend recently passed away at 51 and was YOUNG. I'm in denial about my own age. I hope that I have the energy and spirit of a younger person but I'm not so vain as to think that I appear years younger than my actual age. I'm okay if I look 51 - I earned it. I just don't want to look any older.
I feel as if I am only recently maturing. That's a whole different topic than aging. I am realizing that I have a lot to make up for retirement savings-wise, health-wise and wishlist-wise. I've been in suspended animation for the past 15 years or so and have very little memory of what I did in my mid-thirties to late forties. That's weird I know. I also have other blank spots in my memory but that's a topic for another day. If anyone reading this knew me during this blank time period, please refresh me!
I think going back to college after a hiatus may have contributed to my skewed ageism. Also, not having kids or some of the other "normal" life markers might have lent a wonky perspective. Having acquaintances in all age groups is healthy don't you think? I work with lots of "millennials" (God luv em') and then older, retirement age faculty. I have dated in all age groups too. I wouldn't settle down with someone too far outside my own age-range but you never know.
On most days my energy age is around 30-ish. After mowing my lawn for two days I feel 50. Seeing all that there is to do and be and see...I feel 18. I don't want to be one of those little old ladies in the red & purple hat groups. They seem to relish their old ladyness and I want to defy mine. Instead of retirement savings, maybe I will invest in TONS of plastic surgery. Probably not, but I will invest in moisturizer. It seems to be my best ally against aging or so the commercials say.
Thank you for listening David Bowie. I hope you don't mind that I write you a note periodically. You have always seemed wise and empathetic.
Always,
Lory
Age 51
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